‘‘Oh, that’s too good to wear for just the house! Save that for good!’
I grew up with those mantras not just for clothes but everything. They had a fundamental impact on the way I viewed life and subsequently my beliefs.
Here’s a wee example - recently I opened a jar of Fortnum & Mason marmalade we got as part of a Christmas present. When I was in a supermarket doing a food shop, I was about to buy my usual brand of marmalade when I remembered we already had this jar. So why was I going to buy another one, why was I saving it? Did I think it had to be a special day to have it? Well, I like marmalade and I have been known to have been called Paddington but even he didn’t eat a whole jar in a day!
Why am I blethering on about a jar of marmalade you may ask and please do. It’s because these past weeks I have had to accept a very hard lesson. Saving things until the time is right or it’s too good to wear on a normal day that you deem right, may never come or it’s too late.
Beginning of February my Mum died aged 94, missing her 95th by 8 days. Like her mother, my Gran, they both lived with the principle of save for good, look after your family, house and things well. Suppose it goes back to the wearing of Sunday best when buying clothes and non-essentials was not the frequent activity it is now. Also, clothes washing didn’t just involve chucking it in a 30-degree quick wash.
Mum loved her clothes especially the “good makes” as I said in her eulogy. Her last favourite shop as the other “good makes” no longer existed, was the House of Bruar. These were lambswool and merino wool cardigans. To my cost I found I had to treat them with care to maintain their quality. After a disastrous encounter with the washing machine where 1 shrunk, I then read the instructions more carefully, -cold water handwash. Recalling my skills of handwashing taught to me many years ago by the 2 forementioned generations I did as they instructed. I then gently folded in a towel to extract water before line drying. I maintained their quality and their use, much to Mum’s approval.
Yes, I used to curse how long they took, and Mum would feel guilty at me having to spend this time, but I knew they brought her pleasure and cosiness wearing them in the house and at her day centre as she knew she was wearing quality! I encouraged her to wear them every day, plus her other lovely ones, and it was a challenge for her to change her way of thinking as she was predominately in the house. Pride in appearance and standards were being adhered to, another of her mantras.
Not all her clothes got full use as I’m finding sorting through her house. I used to say to her, “you don’t get a change of clothes in a coffin”, which sadly has been proven.
I mentioned at the beginning that the sayings of Mum and Gran shaped my views, beliefs and actions. Well, this links to the basis of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Does this mean if we’ve always thought, felt and behaved in a certain way that’s it? We are stuck? No, I’m very relieved to say.
To challenge and change old habits and entrenched ways is often not easy. If you can see and feel an advantage to doing so, then the motivation becomes increased, and you start to feel the positive benefit of doing it. Once the emotions change you start to experience what is known as an emotional shift.
We are all responsible for our own thoughts, actions and emotions. This is why we own our emotional responsibility, i.e. who we are and what we want out of life. I believe we are all a work in progress until we take our last breath.
If you are putting off doing something, ask yourself these questions:
1. Why are you not prioritising change for you?
2. What would life be like for you if you did make that change e.g. take on a new challenge?
3. What if you changed the way you had previously viewed it – did something differently towards it? Would you feel better, more positive, more optimistic, pleased at yourself, freer?
4. And what if you didn’t? What then, what would change?
I’ve got a list of things I want to do, achieve and enjoy for me. Life is to be enjoyed as we only get one shot at this life. It isn’t a dress rehearsal.
So,
· I’m going to enjoy my Fortnum & Mason marmalade.
· I’ll take the labels off clothes hanging in my wardrobe and wear them.
· I ‘ll ask myself questions 1-4 to initiate the flow of change.
· I’m going to say Yes to more if it feels right. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you are at.
If you want to find out what’s holding you back from change, want to challenge old held beliefs, please drop me a message on my contact page. I will support you with combining Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Hypnotherapy. This will enable you to discover the changes you want and implement them for lasting benefit.
It will be my privilege to help you.
With my very best wishes, Fiona.